I understand how quickly life can come to an end. Whether is was a family member, friend, or classmate, I lost one or two people every year from 6th grade until college. My life was also almost cut short in college. I don't remember much about the car accident. Friends have told me most of what I do know. I do remember a nurse telling me that I should be dead and that God must have a purpose for my life. She was amazed that I had survived with the few injuries I had. After I saw pictures of the car and of myself, I was amazed too. Because of this, I am all to aware of how short life can be, and how quickly it can be taken away. Every time another friend, co-worker, family member, or even just an acquaintance passes away, I am reminded of how brief our lives can be.
But I do not allow this foreboding to send me into a depressing downward spiral. Instead it stirs me on, I know all to well that if God didn't want me here, I'd be gone! I have a goal. Figure out why God has me here, and do what He wants me to do. I'm not sure what that purpose is , aside from giving God glory. I could already be working out my purpose. Who knows, but the idea that there is more to be done is exciting to me. And, when God's done with me, He'll bring me home.
The idea of worrying hits me with more of a day to day impact. My sister and I, along with my mother, aunts, and female cousins, joke about the worry gene and how it is passed down through the x chromosome to each female in our family. My grandmother is the queen of worry. Each of us in turn have activated our worry gene and the symptoms appear to worsen as we grow older. We make fun of ourselves and each other, but at the same time it concerns us. We actually worry about worrying too much. That's a little too far.
I haven't always worried about things. But, as my responsibilities grew, I began to worry more and more. As people began to rely on me for things, the worry grew. I like how Chan defines worry and stress:
"Worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."
This hits hard. I never really thought about these two terms this way, but he is so right. What a lack of faith! How arrogant of me to think that my worry or stress is out of God's control. This is another thing that I know in my heart but my head forgets. I love the fact that God is in control. It gives me peace and comfort. I try really hard not to worry about things. Ironically, it is easier for me to not stress the big stuff. However, I am constantly worried over the little things. I have nightmares about things going wrong. I am an adult; I should not be having nightmares!
My prayer at this point is that the Spirit will convict me when I start to worry or stress. I need to stop in that moment and give whatever it is over to God. He is God. He is in control. And He going to take care of me. Nothing that happens to me is out of His hands. I love the verse that tells us, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. With this verse, why would we ever have a worry?
(Lord, You know this is one of my biggest struggles. Help me to give you my burdens. I know that all things are in Your control. Help me to live that out, and let You be in control.)
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